Shit Doesn’t Just Happen

The entire month of April, our house has been on the market. I know a lot of people will probably start getting anxious about this.
"Why is my home not selling?"
"I need it to sell now!"

But when you think about the reality of our situations:

• For the last couple of years, homes that were on the market in our neighborhood sat for a couple of months before they went under contract.
  

• We chose to live on the edge of society. There are other neighborhoods on one side of our neighborhood, and it's nothing but dirt on the other.
  

• We are kind of far, in the locals' perspective, from everything.

We knew this going in. That doesn't mean we were not hoping it would go quicker than that. Of course we did! So we did everything we could for that to happen. The most important thing at this point was just that: do what we can.

(This is my actual living room. I took from Homes.com)

So what CAN we do?

• Declutter to make space
  
  
  

• Pack what we will not be needing anytime in the near future (especially things that have our personality)
  
  
  

• Stage empty areas to add a splash of color
  
  
  

• Keep the house clean
  
  
  

• One last sweep before a showing to get rid of Maya's hair (German Shepherd and Husky mix)

That is about all we can do from a physical standpoint. There is actually more we can do. Our feelings toward the house can very much affect the sale of the house.

• Reminisce on all the memories you have with the room
  
  
  

• Acknowledge the memories will travel with you and no longer attach them to the rooms
  
  
  

• Thank the rooms for all they have done
  
  
  

• Say you are letting them go so that it can make the next rightful homeowners happy

The day I did that, which is today as I am writing this, both Josh and I made some money by letting go of more things and had a surprise showing scheduled. It may sound like a coincidence to a lot of people, but I would like to challenge you to try something like this and see how immediate things happen when you do.

I went to every room to reminisce all the big events that happened, thank it for giving me a safe and supportive space for all that happened, told it I was now ready to let it go so it can be ready to make the next rightful owners happy. What caught me by surprise was I had a lot of emotional attachment to the master bedroom. It is obvious why, but I didn’t know my feelings were deep enough for me to cry when I was physically saying my goodbyes to it. That was when I knew, it was absolutely the right move. I wouldn’t have known if I didn’t and that attachment would have stayed in the room even after I left.

My actual master bedroom, which I got from homes.com)

This kind of shift in thoughts that create a shift in the world around you, as well, makes me think about stories I have heard from nurses. They see shifts like these happen all the time. One example is when a mother is on her deathbed and her children sit around her hoping she will recover. The mother stays stagnant with no progress for months.

The nurse, or maybe a friend, will tell the siblings they have to let her go. They have to accept what is happening in reality and know that this will end whatever it is she is suffering from. It will take them a while, but when they finally come to accept reality, they physically tell her that it is okay to go now and say their goodbyes to her. Then she will draw her last breath.

I have heard this kind of story from multiple nurses. It is truly interesting how our thoughts, hopes, and desperation to hold on affect our physical world. There is no explanation for this kind of thing, but there are signs just like this example that we cannot deny. Things that we all call miracles.Miracles happen a lot, though, if you really think about it. The only problem is we are so focused on what is going wrong, we tend to miss all the amazing things that happen around us. We are too busy believing that shit happens to us to see that we are actually doing it to ourselves.

I used to live that life, so I know. My lowest point in life, I had slept under a bridge for three nonconsecutive days. I couch-surfed, then boyfriend-surfed for a roof over my head. I had been SA’d twice, then molested. I had to figure out a job without an ID because I all of a sudden found out I was living illegally in Japan. All of this happened within the first year of leaving my childhood home.

Why? Because my stepmother made me believe I was worth absolutely nothing. The worst part was I believed it. I didn't believe it logically, but I did in my subconscious and my heart.

My life started turning around when I finally had control over my life, somewhat, when I moved to the United States and joined the military. Why? Because I made decisions that led me to a place where I had no restrictions (being an illegal resident of Japan). I was so far away from the origin of the voice in my head (my stepmother), it became a little quieter than usual. And most importantly, I refused to be in any situation that didn't make me happy, which helped me be more confrontational and verbal.

That led me to understand how to better communicate, not just with others, but with myself in my own head. You know? Those voices that we call the devil and the angel on our shoulders.Turns out those voices were my subconscious either repeating what I already know, whether negative or positive. It just became more positive when I physically left Japan, and I gained my unknown confidence, thanks to the military. Shit was no longer happening to me as I used to believe. This was when I started believing I have control over my decisions, and I was going to start making the right ones.

I made my first mistake by marrying my first husband, who brought everything back into my life that I was trying to leave. He was jealous and controlling. Life testing me, whether or not I was truly done with the life of not having a life. Where I was no use to anyone. Where I didn't get to have my own opinions. Where I didn't get to have the freedom to choose. Where he was always better than me, and I had no room to grow.

It took me 2 years to realize I didn't want a marriage if this is what it meant, then 9 months to figure out a divorce was necessary and that it wasn't my fault this was happening. I decided to put myself on the pedestal. I was going to make me happy from now on. "I am important to me." Because apparently, no one else was going to give me the space to be happy but me.

Yes that was a mistake, but I didn't let that stop me from getting what I wanted. So I got divorced, patted off the dirt I fell in and kept moving forward. I completely let go of the thought of wanting to be with someone, and that was when I met Josh.

Josh became my everything. Even though it started out with me telling him that I didn't need anyone, so if he wanted a relationship, he could find the door out. He gave me the space I didn't know could be given. He supported me, which I have never felt before. Best of all, he supported me in all of my shenanigans, no matter how ridiculous.

Then we started a venture as a couple by becoming civilians together, then me starting a business, then us expanding by moving to Okinawa for an exciting challenge, without the fear of failing. If we fail, we do it again and again until we find what works.

My whole life was a challenge in changing my thoughts and changing the voices in my head, one thought at a time, whether it was my forethoughts or my subconscious thoughts. The more I changed, the better life became.I used to believe that shit happens to me, but now I say I flow with shit, and I see good in it. The most beautiful flowers grow from shit, afterall.